Working with the Elephant in the Room

Banksy's Elephant by Dunk

The "elephant in the room" is a metaphor that many of us are familiar with. It describes a conversation where we get the sense that there's one, really important issue that's not being talked about. In these situations, it's as if we're tiptoeing around the issue rather than saying what needs to be said.

These "elephants" can show up in meetings, teams or organisational cultures. How do we work when there are people, topics or situations that feel giant and immovable? I'll use the metaphor of an elephant to explore how we address the things that are unsaid in organisations, and that may be holding us back.

It's helpful to start by getting clear on the size of scale of the actual challenge. Real life elephants are huge, live up to 60 years and hard to move alone – they weigh about 100 times more than most of us. Sound familiar?

In India, elephant trainers (known as mahouts) work with elephants from a young age. Elephant trainers soon learn not to use force – to do so would be futile. Instead, they build relationships with their elephant. They learn the nature of their beast, and get to know their personality. They provide punishment as well as rewards – just because the elephant is big, doesn't mean the larger party holds all the power.

Back to organisations. Unlike real elephants, significant organisational challenges can be hard to see, despite their size, weight and power.

Unlike real elephants, organisational challenges can be hard to see, despite their size, weight and power.

If we don't see the full nature of the challenge, not only will it will be hard to address it, but we may find ourselves more confused.

This concept is explained well by a 2000 year old story. The parable of the blind men and the elephant describes a group of blind men who touch different parts of an elephant and draw different conclusions. Claiming their individual experience as the truth, they argue and fight over its true nature. By contrast, understanding only comes when they share and understand how their views relate to the bigger picture.

When faced with the unknown, like the men in the parable, we can sometimes confuse knowledge of part of the issue with an understanding of the whole issue. It's characteristic of complex challenges, where even the definition of the problem is not straightforward. Whose responsibility is it and where do we start in order to effect change? Gaining the whole picture is crucial, and we can only develop this through dialogue and experience.

A helpful saying here is "to name it is to tame it". As we get a picture of what's going on, naming what we see helps create clarity. Atlassian's founder Mike Cannon-Brookes recently named support of climate change, pointing out that it provides an economic challenge not currently being given the attention it deserves. It's an example of leadership in a realm we know needs attention, yet we're not sure what to do with.

Naming the challenge is a start, and more is to be done if we are to address our underlying concerns. If there's one thing that gets in the way of taming organisational "elephants", it's a lack of focus on what communication isn't happening, and what communication needs to take place.

One HBR study found that 70% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with employees, and 30% are uncomfortable about giving direct feedback if they think it might be taken badly. If not called out, challenges between people can rapidly grow into larger issues.

Modeling effective communication that calls out bad behaviour and rewards good behaviour is crucial. While often overlooked, the conversations that are had and not had send key messages – messages that lead to longer-term engagement or disengagement.

Know your elephant. Name your elephant. Train your elephant. These are a few of the ways we work with complex, human organisational challenges.

What's the name of your elephant? How is your elephant getting in the way, and what steps could you take to start working together?

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